I still remember that day when I was supposed to meet you for the first time. For majority of my life I always supported the argument of Love Marriage and here I was going taking steps towards getting hitched arranged by my parents. But before I get to that.... let us go back a little bit...
I had taken a decision for my life that I was going to get married to someone whom my parents chose for me.... This was a difficult decision and I thought that I had made mistakes, they with their experience will do the right thing for me. So there started the discussion of my marriage and search for the right girl for me. When I heard that a one on one meet had been organized for me, I was little scared and confused that what was i going to do there. How does something like this happen. For all my life I had been stern non believer in agreeing to spend whole life with a stranger basis a meeting for just an hour or so.... Is that much time enough? What if I only find the good things or may be i just see what I want to and later after sometime i realise that she was not what i thought.... this scared me....and there i was doing exactly that...
With all these thoughts in my mind, I opened google to search through what should one do when you meet the prospective life partner. What you should ask,what you shouldn't, how to make her feel comfortable and all.... But one most important thing that i told myself was to be who I am and not pretend to be the perfect man on earth.
So, I met you. While I was on my way upstairs at Udupi, i tried getting a glimpse of you in the car... but more than that thought I was occupied by the occasion itself... scared to hell....this is not an easy experience for anyone i am sure......
I went upstairs with my parents and met yours... i am sure you would remember everything but I am just putting it in perspective from my lens.
They asked me couple of questions not much, most of the conversation was happening between mine and your parents or better i should say our parents.
That time i just wanted to meet you talk to you.....find out and get done with it.... every moment was difficult to passs.....and when i saw you sitting in front of me.... you in the first appearance looked disliking the place... saying no to food or drinks.... didn't know how was it going to be talking to you..... were you the right girl? Were you the person who would want to be my companion for life?
Well, soon I was going to find out. When we both were given private space to chit chat.... that was again awkward.... as for me it was the first time.... and i started thinking about what I had read last night on google.... wondered what would i do if this thing didn't exist...
Well... when I started speaking to you... there was a level of ease, comfort that I felt. Your voice was so soft and melodious (allow me to use that word) that I was just lost in your words but tried to gather myself and find out more about you.... And good part that happened was that we didn't ask questions per say, we spoke,discussed and that is what brought level of comfort between us. One hour had passed and we were talking like we knew each other for long.... i was surprised but i just wanted to continue talking to you (and as I do today :) as well) without any breaks... i dint want anyone to come or to stop us...... and I thought to myself... her goals her ambitions, her dreams, her life is some pure and simple... exactly what I would want in my life partner... No over the head kind of attitude, no arrogance.... a simple soft spoken girl who if allowed to talk can just win you by sheer beauty of her thoughts and voice....
Well while I was thinking this, this dreamy discussion was going to get over sometime soon and it did. Well although i just dint want you to go away, I had one thing in mind.... If I let you go today, I might rue my whole life of missing the golden chance to have my dream life partner......
I came outside, my mother all smiling asked me how did you find it... now off-course i couldn't say yes in one step so I asked her, how did you like her. she said that Kshitij, I really like her and I just want you to say yes... and (relieved from inside) I said Yes at once....
And there that evening our life long innings started.....By the way, I shouldn't forget to tell you,, you looked stunning that evening.... pure and beautiful.... and you sung really well.
Since I had spend just an hour with you, I am sure you wouldn't have felt comfortable around me, I was still a stranger to you and so were you for me.... I still knew that there was long way to go before we actually discover each other and hoped and prayed that for it to be exactly like our previous meeting....
With some help our my mother we got a chance to spend one day together... our first official date ;)... I was all excited, don't remember if slept properly that night but i guess reached a bit earlier than time to meet you.... In fact I waited before calling you so that I don't look too overenthusiastic.... You came out wearing that white Kurta with dark sunglasses..... at first i couldn't recognize you but then we went together to mall. As thought earlier, I wanted to be myself and therefore kept it very simple.... I had all the respect for you but did not know what I should do that you would like and what I shouldn't do..... I just went with my instincts....
That was our first move together... 2 states...and so true the name was in our case as well :)
Well... I remember you were little format that day cos it was still new between us and our first date off-course. You told me about yourself more, and I told about myself... and again never realized how time passed.....
The next day I left for Dubai, with smiles around me wanting to be with you again as quickly as possible.....
I felt happy, there was a new motivation in life, a reason to be happy to put in more hard work :)
Unfortunately just few days later, we both got the bad news..... you would remember how tough it was.... but the good thing was.... you were always there for me me all the time (I know i tell you so many times that you are not there with me when i need you.... but is not what my heart says... that is what my love says because i want you need you all the time so please don't mind that :) ) You gave me strength.... and the extent to which you were willing to do for my family made me stronger.....
In the middle of this all, our relationship was becoming stronger and stronger.... the bond was strengthening..... and feeling of love for you was starting to take shape.....Love that is not arranged but felt.....
We spent some good time together, got to know each other better.... and I also discovered your beauty, your dressing style which I had not known till then. I got a chance to open up, so did you and felt happy when you shared some very personal things of your life with me... I felt that you had accepted me as your love......
I felt like i could do anything for you... i could feel that love in my eyes as well as yours.....those beautiful eyes.....
And after 3 days, I came back to Dubai and our conversation over internet started..... I guess we were talking to each other for at-least 3-4 hours and gradually i got so used to off doing that with you that when you were not able to, I felt choked... I just wanted to be with you, to hear your voice, to feel the peace around me.....
Well, it is said that a relationship that doesn't see the difficult times does not reach its epitome, we saw some difficult times when there was the unfortunate news from Jabalpur....
I was said to hear you cry, it pained me (it does today as well..... I am sorry sometimes i just don't know what to do) I felt like if could be with you hug you take you in my arms.... but just couldn't,. The distance between us couldn't let me do that.....
We couldn't talk like we used to and it pained me.... I wanted to be with you as well as I needed you..... and when i couldn't get that I tried to sway myself away from you (I am again sorry for that) I thought that may be this way i wont miss you but I did even more badly..... I had really started loving you deep from my heart.... You were going to be my wife but Love was bigger than the relationship....
I know you did a lot to ensure that I don't feel lonely.... I remember one night when you woke up at around 3 am and called me from stairs, it wasn't easy but you wanted me to be happy...... I love u a lot yaar.... a lot..... I cannot express these things but i remember everything.... the good and the bad....
Finally that time passed and then to get things moving in life, there I was back in Delhi in August for Raksha Bandhan, it was also going to be our chance to be together again.... This time we badly wanted to be with each other.... I felt so happy to see you, in fact that trip I almost didn't sleep..... most of the times I was driving. On a usual day i would say no to everyone and just go off to sleep , but meeting you meant a lot more, this was my one chance after such a long time....
We saw a movie 3 idiots together, did shopping together and I loved every bit of it..... It was just amazing....
I held your hand in my hand, it felt so good.... It felt like why i didn't meet you for all the past years in my life. Had I met you, I would have been complete long ago.......
We would just sit in the car.... chat, look into each others eyes .... that made me feel happy.... yet there was a scare that i soon have to go back... how would I do without you for so long.....
Just after that, we discovered hangout and all video chatting forums that helped us reduce that distance and feel like we were together.....
We have talked day and night... fought,loved and loved more...... I have learnt a lot from you in this past year.... You have never given up on me.... You have managed all your responsibilities at home, yet spoken to me, been with me all the time and also taken up your work very seriously......
One thing i cannot forget about what you have changed in my life... is making me independent.... now i can cook on my own with some help from you which i couldn't even dream of in the past but today i feel confident.... You made it possible with you patience and perseverance... muaaaaah......
You are so uncomplicated that sometimes i don't believe my luck...... I love u a lot.....
You know, it is difficult to put it in points but there hasn't been even a single day when you not made me love you more.....I have sometimes felt bad and angry but that is because you have not been close to me..... I just love your company, l love you so much i cant live without you...... Your maturity, your level headedness you gentle nature all of them give me what I don't possess..... and make me complete......
I try to find love from this world through you.... I love u a lot........
And yes i get angry when you fall sick because i don't get to talk to you much or to hear your voice much.... i don't like that..... I don't like you being in pain...... it pains me....
Our engagement was the best thing that happened that year after meeting you..... that trip brought us very close..... the countdown to the wedding started..... and i have been counting each and every moment for it to get over and we can be together forever.....
The other thing in these months that i have realised about you is that you don't ask for worldly luxuries or any things....but you definitely like to do things for people you love...... that is a wonderful trait.... selfless ness.... But i want you to be slightly selfish.... because i want you to be with me :)
The way you have accepted my family as yours and the way you take care of them i just love that.... I feel that i don't need to worry anymore, you would take care.....
I just want to say that I am very fortunate and lucky to have got you as my life partner.... there couldnt have been a better person to spend my whole life with than you. and i love you a lot from my heart and soul... will always be there for you.... will take care of you and will respect you.
One humble request, please dont cry...... it hurts real bad...... xray karaogi mera to dikh bhijaega.......
Muaaaaaah
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